musingsonwomenshealth.com

Reflections on 40 years as a doctor in Women's Health

Rituals grind our characters like pieces of jade


Although I am old, I have not given much thought to the rituals in my life. I’m not sure why that is, although because they are largely invisible I suppose I can be forgiven. What I sometimes think about are my habits however; some are probably age-related -like always checking to see that the doors are locked at night and that the stove has been turned off before I go to bed; or maybe taking the next day’s supper from the freezer to defrost in the fridge. But rituals are more than that; more than the worry of an old brain making sure it hasn’t forgotten anything. Rituals are in an entirely different Magisterium than habits; they are more than mere foibles that have accumulated like unfashionable clothing sentenced to eke out a lonely living in a dark corner of my closet.

No, a ritual is a living practice; it has its roots in the Latin ritus  –a formal act or procedure of religious observance performed according to an established manner. Ignoring any academic aspects of the subject, the word seems to suggest something more, something greater than mindlessly repeating some act which, over time, has lost both its purpose and utility, other than setting one’s mind at ease that nothing has been forgotten.

Rituals were a transformative, albeit often misunderstood centrepiece in the philosophy of Confucius (551 to 479 BCE). What makes societies cohesive he realized, was the etiquette practiced from day to day among people: little pockets of order for social interactions; responding to others in ways we have already practiced. Even the greeting of a friend or acquaintance with a smile, a ‘How are you?’, and a simple handshake, changes the connection, and often the mood. We are, perhaps, a different person then -if only for a moment: a short-lived alternative reality that briefly changes our reality to an ‘as-if’ world. We react in that moment as-if we are engulfed in it. This is only a tiny ritual perhaps, but an important one if we engage in it frequently. When we meet someone inside that ritual there is an ordered world that works because each person participating plays a special role in which they don’t normally live.

Each of us can influence others in those rituals: for example, something as simple as requesting a ‘please and thank you’ can be a teaching moment for a child; repeated frequently the child has the opportunity of entering the world of an adult, as an adult; as an equal, if you will -albeit still as an as-if adult. Nonetheless, as ordinary as it may seem, it and other similarly simple, and frequently performed rituals, can be transformative processes, altering how you are perceived by others in the world; changing how you view yourself.

There is something about rituals that share social behaviours; alter them at times. Practicing rituals can help us to understand what is both virtuous and valuable about our lives. Take standing in an orderly line waiting for a bus for example. At least in Canada, a queue demonstrates a respect for the person in front and behind. Jumping the lineup is considered wrong; if it happens, there is grumbling in the line, and a sense that the interloper is selfish; a sense that, as Yeats wrote in The Second Coming, ‘mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, the blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.’ Rituals are more prevalent than you might think.

Virtue is often inherent in the ritual although it can be difficult to define in the abstract. In a very important way, it is the ability to respond in an ethical and caring way to others that encourages their own better sides, their own better angels. Even smiling at strangers as you pass them on a street can be a ritual; the ripples associated with that smile may affect them and their mood long after you have gone. I try to smile if I catch someone’s eye in a crowd, accompanied perhaps by a tiny nod if they smile back at me; maybe they are performing a ritual too.

But let’s face it, no singular action -no one ritual- may change things substantially as we travel through the messy world, but if your ritual includes being friendly, polite, and considerate, if it fosters goodwill in others, it has not been wasted; it may even encourage a like behaviour in their next encounter: another ritual…

But new rituals sometimes arise when a different situation demands a change. This is how we approach different needs: understanding and following the requirements of new circumstances allows the ritual to adapt in tandem. It’s how we grow in the confusion we encounter -how we learn. Learning can itself be a ritual; and although the rewards may be long in surfacing and not immediately apparent – the virtue gained is the teacher; change is often the effect.

Change often does not occur until the people affected by the ritual alter their behavior (think of the benefits of the child learning about ‘please-and-thank-you’), and they usually begin the alteration with small changes. But the children –all of us- have to learn when to use the rituals, and discover when they are appropriate or need alterations.

I suppose the idea of alteration of rituals under differing circumstances sounds somewhat like circular reasoning -a snake swallowing its own tail- but understanding and shaping ritual accordingly to fit the context is a requirement in the messy, complicated goings-on of the real-world. You don’t approach a new problem without considering why it is new, and what the change requires. Sometimes a problem requires more than a smile and a pat on the back.

But, like ‘please-and-thank-you’, it helps to understand the situation and then, perhaps, add a ‘May I?’, and proceed to help with the solution. That can become a ritual, too!

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gozzter

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